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De-Escalation is a skill you should be using as a tactic. When was the last time you practiced it?
Like every skill you have for self-defense, de-escalation should be practiced any time you can.
I actually got a chance last week on the way home from work. It looked like a traffic accident between a bike and a car had just happened right at the entrance to my neighborhood. At first, I thought I’d help medically, but when I noticed that the driver and bike rider are having a screaming match I knew I wouldn’t need that skill.
Both men were yelling mostly absurd things and blocking the road. I thought I’d wait and see what happened. It didn’t cool down after a couple of minutes, so I asked the question of the rider, are you okay? Are you hurt?
Don’t miss this, I did it from a position of advantage. I was in my car, armed, but more importantly, I had a way to escape in my car without being hurt. If you are going to practice de-escalation it is normally between individuals that are very emotionally charged and that could mean they are a danger to yourself or others. Don’t give up your personal safety to practice self-defense skills.
After I asked the second time and got the bike rider’s attention he said the car just barely missed him and he was okay. I told him I was glad to hear that and does he need any help.
The rider actually said thank you and was very moved because no one had asked if he was okay after the near miss. He reached his hand through the open passenger side window and shook my hand thanking me for taking an interest in his well-being.
Again, don’t lose your position of advantage. My left hand was on the wheel, the car was still in gear, and I still had a place to run. Remember, these situations will change continuously, continue to know your way out.
After that, the bike rider got on his bike and started to leave. I pulled forward a little to get between the driver and the rider to let the rider leave. And he did.
The driver was something else… the first thing he did was accuse me of being part of black lives matter and then start calling me a bunch of racist crap. The white driver had already been calling the black bike rider a bunch of racist crap. I was quite taken aback by being called a race traitor and that I would side with that N’ because he was black.
I laughed and asked if he was okay. Then asked if his car was okay. He settled down a little and then told me someone needs to teach that N’ a lesson. I simply said that won’t help anyone. He got frustrated with me, noticed the crowd forming, and left the area.
Worked out okay.
I always do after actions on things that happen. I was at a loss for words when I found out how racist this person I was dealing with was. That was a mistake. No matter what he said, I should have been thinking two steps ahead for my personal security and the security of those around me. What he says doesn’t matter as much as we think it does. Thinking ahead matters a lot more.
What’s the old saying, if you think you have heard it all, something is coming you never thought of. It happens.
The next time you can de-escalate a situation without giving up your personal security, you should try it. Maybe it’s just an argument between your significant other and your kids, or two people you care about and there is no real danger to you, practice. The skills of defusing your family members’ arguments are the same as defusing a hostile argument.
Stay Safe,
Ben