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Podcast 243 Predators

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Today: Can you spot a predator before you become their prey?  We go through one of the greatest books about self defense in our modern world.  In my library there are only 3 books you need to read and re-read, this is one of them.

In Dangerous Personalities, former FBI profiler Joe Navarro shows readers how to identify the four most common “dangerous personalities” and analyze how much of a threat each one can be.  

Podcast Outline:

Where this book fits 

Joe Navarro 

• First book of his I’ve read
• FBI profiler
• Lists he put together over a career studying people that hurt others
• From the book
o MY INTENTION Dangerous Personalities is my attempt to share with you what I know about those who will hurt you. Dangerous personalities are all around us. They may be your neighbors, friends, boss, date, spouse, relatives, or parent. They may be community leaders or professionals responsible for your education, money, health, or safety—and that is why we have to be particularly on guard. Evil, crime, or suffering comes at us in many ways, and rarely does it wave a flag or blow a whistle to say, “Get ready, I’m coming!”
o The check lists
o 150 items or so
o If that person checks over half of them you are probably in danger.
• Different Personalities

Narcissist
 It’s all about me
 “Narcissistic personalities care only for themselves, their needs, and their priorities. While you and I appreciate attention, the narcissist craves it and manipulates people and situations to get it. While you and I work hard to be successful, the narcissistic personality connives to succeed and may cheat, lie, embellish the truth, or scheme to get ahead, uncaring of how others are affected.”
 Overvalued self and devalues others
 “Narcissistic personalities have an uncanny ability to identify weakness or insecurity in others and use it to put others down or make themselves look better.”
 Never find true empathy only entitlement
 Rules and boundaries don’t matter or count for them but will be used against others to make them more
 Never do anything wrong it’s theirs for the taking and belongs to them
 “Narcissists often seek positions where they can control others. That’s why you tend to see more of them in jobs such as law, medicine, and politics or in high-level executive positions, where they can use their rank or status to take care of themselves.”
 It may take a while to spot them for sure
 Eventually they will only move on when they take everything from that person
 Avoid them and creat distance
 Create boundaries and when crossed have serious reprocotions
 They need to want to change for themselves and it will take a lot of work
 Generally they don’t love anyone enough to change

Emotionally Unstable
 This personality’s key traits are pervasive emotional instability marked by behaviors that affect their well-being, relationships, and interactions with others. Changeable as the weather and far less predictable, they careen from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other, feeling on top of the world or like a princess one minute and a victim in the gutter the next. They can be talented, charming, stimulating, and seductive, but they can also quickly turn hostile, impulsive, or even irrational. It is for this personality that the word mercurial was invented. They have an overwhelming need to be loved and to feel secure but little ability to nourish or nurture healthy relationships. Get too close and they feel suffocated; give them space and they feel abandoned. Tragically, their inchoate quest for stability can lead to harm for themselves and others.
 People are drawn to them because on the surface and at first some of these attributes seems attractive
 Around people like this you will have a live of extremes
 relationships are all about intensity.
 Hypersensitive about everything
 Needy and demanading without borders
 Use extreme emotion to manipulate
 Irrational all or non thinking
 They need professional help
 Try to set strict boundaries, they will hate it but it’s your trigger to keep yourself safe
 If person uses threat of suicide call police
 Needs professional help
 Set strict boundaries, will create resistance but can help for a while

Paranoid
 “Paranoid personalities are consumed by irrational mistrust and fear. Their suspicions know no bounds. Their rigid thinking is impervious to reason and makes them judgmental, biased, and uptight. They see only the cloud around the silver lining. Do something nice for them, and they’ll suspect ulterior motives.”
 Look around and you will see these personalities: ◼ The driver who thinks you cut him off intentionally, so he tailgates you with horn honking, headlights flashing, rude gestures, and cursing. He may even follow you all the way home. ◼ The man who thinks everyone’s hitting on his wife or girlfriend, so at parties he sticks his nose into every conversation she has, especially with men, and makes sure those men don’t loiter very long. ◼ The date from hell who considers you merely an audience for his Mr. Know-It-All act, argues with everything you say, or puts your ideas down (not surprisingly, you discover he has no friends). ◼ The relative who’s habitually trying to convince you of some pseudoscience remedy or has found yet another guru who sees the world just as he does. ◼ The fellow employee who frequently files grievances and then questions why others got promotions or bonuses and he didn’t. ◼ The complainer who shows up at government offices almost weekly to rant about issues or threaten to file a lawsuit. ◼ The anonymous author of an acrid online attack, accusing you of having a hidden agenda and knowing what you “really meant.” ◼ The reclusive neighbor who insists on telling you about the new world order or conspiracies or secret organizations that control the federal government. ◼ The former employee or ex-boyfriend who, angry about how he’s been treated, shows up at the office unannounced and armed. ◼ The brilliant scientist no one listens to, so he moves to a smelly cabin in Montana where he can warn us of the threat of technology by sending bombs (16 in all) through the mail that killed 3 and injured 23 (“ Unabomber” Theodore John “Ted” Kaczynski, PhD).
 Hypersuspicious, Fearful, Secretive
 Opinionated, Argumentative, Prone to Hate
 Paranoid personalities select and distort facts and history, stringing together disparate events and ideas to fit their views and justify their actions—
 Know a lot about very little
 Combine rigid thinking, a fixed ideology, and selective memory with irrational fear and you have the toxic broth of hate—not the dislike you or I might feel, but an uncompromising, dehumanizing hate.
 If I kill enough scientists, I’ll stop the advance of technology. —“Unabomber” Ted Kaczynski, who mailed 16 bombs, killing 3 and wounding 23 If I blow up a building,
 I’ll stop the FBI and do away with SWAT teams. —Timothy McVeigh, bomber of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, killing 168 women and children and injuring hundreds
 Collects Wounds and builds grudges
 Can seek Extreme Isolation (Randy Weaver Ruby Ridge)
 Sometimes big in prepper communities
 Conversations tend to be one track always circling back to their one issue
 Looking for someone that sides with their oppinion in relationships with others, will move on from skeptics
 Will want to isolate you socially from everyone else (Ruby Ridge)
 Most are functional but can make life difficult around them
 Always suspicious of everyone around them in any authority
 Smart, sometimes very smart
 Can become School Shooters, Go Postal, or the like
 “Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, and Cambodian dictator Pol Pot were all acutely paranoid. They irrationally feared nonexistent enemies and required that their followers do the same. The cost in lives is so staggering that words cannot do justice to their crimes. One life lost is a tragedy. How, then, do we characterize the loss of more than 30 million (Stalin), more than 5 million (Hitler), or more than 1.2 million (Pol Pot)?”
 Take care dealing with these people anywhere, they could see you as the enemy and then “snap”

Predator
 Probably the worst for you, if the Paranoid personality comes into power anywhere they are the worst for society, but the one that will get you without a doubt is the Predator
 People that have seen them call them pure evil, for me it was like staring into the eyes of evil
 “You can tell someone about evil; you can make scary movies; you can write about dangerous personalities. But until you’re in the presence of evil, you don’t really know it- not at a deep psychological level.”
 “At some point in life, everyone reading this book will encounter someone like this: a person not bothered by being arrested or by committing a crime, who seems untroubled by the suffering they cause others. Of all the dangerous personalities, the predator causes the most harm.”
 “Predators really have only one goal: exploitation.”
 “Predators really have only one goal: exploitation. They do what we can’t imagine, easily and repeatedly. They live to plunder, rob, victimize, or destroy. While most of us build our lives around relationships and achievements, predators focus on opportunities to use people, places, and situations for their own gain. This default setting governs much of their behavior.”
 “These individuals don’t think as we do. We care about others. They pretend to care or simply don’t. We see each other as equals. They see us either as opportunities or as obstacles in fulfilling their needs. If they need a car, they steal one. If they need sex, they rape you. If they need money, they go after your grandparents’ bank account. If you survive one of these individuals, a part of you still dies—be it trust, self-worth, dignity, or faith in others.
 “While prisons are full of these individuals, far more walk the streets. You don’t have to be killed or raped to be severely harmed by predators. They beat their spouses, abuse patients, terrorize employees, embezzle money, prey on the faithful, corrupt public office, or, as heads of state, exterminate their own people. They carry briefcases, laptops, backpacks, Bibles, soccer balls, and babies. But they also carry knives, guns, machetes, ice picks, poison, and ropes. They may be your boss, your religious leader, your cube mate, your financial advisor, your child’s camp counselor, your mother’s caregiver, your babysitter, the next person you welcome into your bedroom, or your next-door neighbor.”
 “Predators are coldly indifferent. It’s why we liken them to reptiles and why so often at trial they seem impervious to emotions, in stark contrast to the grieving family of the victim. Notorious serial killer Henry Lee Lucas captured it this way: “Killing someone is just like walking outdoors. If I wanted a victim, I’d just go and get one.” Only predators think this way. For them, life’s a game of “how much can I get away with?””
 Many Urge, Few Controls, No Reflection
 “Expect predators to turn your life upside down and derail your dreams or aspirations, as they come first and don’t like people to get in their way. You may initially find them intelligent, charming, and interesting, but when you discover what they’ve done—or when they turn on you, which can happen at any moment—the shock and pain are indescribable. They’ll exhaust you because you must always be on guard, hiding what you treasure, trying to not antagonize, or struggling to survive.”
 These are the people Gavin De Becker talks about in the Gift of Fear and the worst movie bad guys you can think of.
 They will clean you out if you get into a relationship with them, physically, mentally, morally, emotionally, and financially.
 Get away from these people. They need professional help and may or may not change really. They will pretend to change or be remorseful if it will get them what they want.
 You will not change them and they will just victimize you
 “We serial killers are your sons, we are your husbands, we are everywhere. And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow. —Theodore “Ted” Bundy

Last 2 Chapters
 Spotting multiple dangerous personalities
 More then one can be deadly
 Self Defense Against them
 Most these people will sneak up on you like the frog in boiling water
 Reality Check, realize you are in danger
 Gain Knowledge of people all the time
 Don’t just look, see, and Observe
 Back to The Gift of Fear, go with you gut
 Try to see the difference between a nice person and a good person
 Control Space and Distance
 Control Time, slow things down
 Cut emotional strings and see what going on
 Get an outside opinion
 Assess How much/how often
 Time and location always matter
 Stupid Things in Stupid Places with Stupid People John Farnim
 Bob Mayne adds at Stupid Times
 Be Univiting to Dangerous Personalities
 Check them out
 Create Boundaries
 Be skeptical
 Set absolute limits outside of emotion
 Don’t Wait too Long
 Catalog Behaviors
 Make Supportive Alliances
 Resist Isolation
 Avoid Manipulation
 When in Danger ACT
 Make a plan to get out
 Alert your network, friends, neighbors, family, local police, everyone
 Seek Professional Help
 Plan your exit strategy
 Raise Escape money
 Address Financial Matters
 Claim and Maintain Distance
 “Fortunately, most of the people you’ll meet and interact with in your daily life aren’t dangerous personalities. For the most part, people mean well and care. But I know that in time, you will run into a dangerous personality, because there are millions of them out there. When you do, please remember my final words to you: You have no social obligation to be tormented or to be victimized—ever.”

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Stay Safe,

Ben

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